you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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