is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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