I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
