pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
