you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
