Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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