Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
