Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
