I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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