Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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