We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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