Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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