i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
