I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
