I must be too annoying 4 u.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
