Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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