i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
