How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
