The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I puked a lego.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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