What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
