Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
