Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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