about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
