found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
