it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This house was built for laser tag.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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