He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
