are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
