So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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