he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
