He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
