What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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