it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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