Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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