I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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