in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
