So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
