Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
