That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
