The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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