I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
