dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
