If i come over, it means nothing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
