Cold hands, warm shart.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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