2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
