Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize