you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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