My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
