I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
