just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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