okay pat passed out under dana's car
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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