You surviving the open bar?
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I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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