i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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