Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
