So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
