If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
