You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
