marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
