Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
