this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
