Screwed.edu
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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