My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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