I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
