So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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