I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
