just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
