Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
