An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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