i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
