I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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