worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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