If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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