I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
