Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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