the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
