i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
